言ってしまえばよかったのに日記

Recent Developments

2009-04-03T20:11:59Z

As anyone with access to a media outlet probably knows, the Iowa Supreme Court today struck down a 1998 law defining marriage as between a man and a woman, stating that this goes against the Iowa constitution. In three weeks time (to the best of my knowledge), gay marriage will be legal in Iowa.

Let's leave aside for a moment the issue of whether or not I'm in favor of this development, and look at the ruling itself. The court's statement (which, I find rather ironically, is 69 pages long) is interesting, and I had the opportunity to read it today. As I understood it, the court's ruling was based on the concept that allowing marriage for heterosexual couples but not homosexual ones creates an inequality among parties of equal standing, and this is something prohibited by the Iowa constitution. (I strongly recommend reading the ruling, as I had a great time of it; a link to it can be found on my Twitter feed at http://twitter.com/ghodamus ). The law was struck down accordingly.

It can be argued that this goes against public opinion. Indeed, a large part of the population of Iowa and the nation (although I don't know numbers well enough to say if it's a majority or not) does not support the concept of equal marriage rights for homosexual couples. Their arguments are various, and to be honest I've never found one that I entirely bought into or that didn't have a highly poignant counterargument, but they do represent a significant chunk of the American populace. Given that America is (in theory at least) some form of democracy, the will of the people is often turned into law. So why, I hear the outcry, can the people's will be so blatantly ignored by the supreme court? Why isn't the gay marriage ban upheld?

But you see, that's the thing about constitutions. They are, as I understand them, the foundation upon which other laws are raised. They are also the guidelines by which other laws are deemed valid. A constitution is not subject to popular opinion, except in the most extreme and demanding of cases. They aren't written in stone, but if purposely written they're damned hard to modify, and for a good reason. People's opinions change, the times change, the world around us will change. A constitution provides a firm foundation upon which the rest of things will build, regardless of the occasionally rampant foolishness of mankind.

Moreover, by codifying our standards into a constitution, we create for ourselves a bar that we must legally live up to. Perhaps today's ruling on gay marriage was an unintended consequence of the constitution; it can be argued (and I'd probably agree with this one) that none of the founding fathers of America or Iowa had this in mind when they put quill to parchment. But you see, that's the beautiful thing about these documents. These unintended consequences can force us to rise above ourselves. If you put in your constitution a requirement for equal rights for all mankind, then you are obliged to live up to that requirement whether you like it or not. Where we have gone wrong unintentionally, we have the ability to repair. But when we have done right unknowingly, our own accidental commitment can force us to rise above base intentions.

Perhaps I am mistaken. And if I'm dreaming, then may the gods will me never to awake. But I just fell in love with constitutional government today, and I couldn't be happier.

...we'll see how I feel about it come tomorrow.

Meme Time, Anyone?

2009-02-27T19:44:41Z

Time for a new meme, this one taken from cipherpunk. The premise is simple; post into my comments, I'll reply with five things that I associate with you, and you're invited to continue the meme by expounding on those things and repeating the process. Here's the list that I've got.

Japan
To be brutally honest, I think it started with Sailor Moon. Yes, I was young once. Yes, I watched girly pubescent anime and thought it was the shizz-nite. But I like to think (perhaps to cover my own embarrasment) that it doesn't always matter how the door was opened; it instead matters what you've done after you've walked through it.

When I first started learning about Japan, really learning about it, the nation's history fascinated me. Many people like to think of America as a "melting pot" of various cultures, taking our inspirations from different places and absorbing as we go. And perhaps this is true to some extent. But a look at the history and culture of Japan will show you that there's one thing missing for America to be a true melting pot, and that's an authoritarian government forcing it down the people's throats. Japan has gone through multiple cycles of voracious cultural absorption and absolute stone-wall isolationism. It happened when they encountered China around the turn of the first millennium, soaking up their culture, their law, their dress, their religion; they even took the Chinese written language to make up for the fact that they didn't have their own. 600-some-odd years later when the Tokugawa came to power, the country closed down its borders, isolating itself and even resorting to killing unwelcome foreigners, in an attempt for the government to maintain its absolute power.

And 250 years after that, in the mid 19th century, the doors were thrown open again (thank you Commodore Perry) when Japan realized that it had fallen behind the world. Japan looked at what had become of China, seeing what was once the great power of the east turned into a communnal whore by European colonialism. They felt they had two choices; be like China, or be like Europe. And they chose the latter, improrting and absorbing and implementing aspects of cultures from around the world in an attempt to become "modern."

Japan is a country of stark contradictions; at once hyper-modern (to the extent that the iPhone is considered so quaint and backwards that they're giving them away for free) and hyper-traditional (where you're as likely to see a kimono as a business suit while walking down the street). these rapid and massive importations of culture have created a true blending of the old and the new, the local and the foreign, into an amalgam that can be described as beautiful, terrifying, and positively weird as hell all at the same time.
Geneseo

I haven't been back home in a long time, mostly because I don't really know anybody that lives there anymore. My parents moved away before I did, and as of a couple years ago my grandmother has moved to Indiana to be near my uncle's widow and my cousins.

I lived in Geneseo from 7th grade until I came to U of I. It's not a huge town, about 7,000 people. We used to joke that the town had one stoplight per kiloperson; this average held out pretty well until just after left, they put up two or three new ones and threw the whole system off. There's also a town law that says there can't be more bars than churches. At least, that's what I'm told, and the town's got the churches to prove it. Geneseo is a town of two religions; Christianity and high-school football. Just about everyone belongs to one or the other faith (if not both; that's not considered sacreligious in any way).

Geneseo was a town of a lot of ups and downs. There are things that I miss about it. I used to miss it a hell of a lot more, my first couple of years of college. But now it's not really home for me anymore. I've changed a great deal as a person since I came to college, mostly for the better I'd like to think, and I don't really consider myself to be the same person that I was when I left there. Geneseo will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always have fond memories of La Roma pizza, the Maple Leafs marching band, and the friends I had while I was there. But that was another life; my life is Iowa now, and gods only know where it'll be tomorrow.

Family

Another odd issue. The peculiarities of my relationship with my families are best examined historically. When I was about 1, my paternal grandfather (Sherman) left my paternal grandmother (Faye). This cut me off from the family of my namesake; I barely know them. Grandma Faye didn't have a lot of family, just her sister. Dad never got along well with my uncle Bill, so I lost that side-channel into the namesake family. Then, when I was six, my parents divorced. The aftermath left a lot of bad feelings and my father with custody; thus, I was cut off from the rather expansive Sicilian side of the family that comes via my mother, a cut I've only very recently begun to bridge now that my mom has moved back to the Quad Cities. As for my stepmother's family, while I know they're also fairly good-sized, I've never been close to them; we see each other from time to time, but I'm not really invited to the yearly reunions.

Because of this, I have over time developed my own sort of family. I realized fairly early that you have a family of blood and a family of choice, and they don't always (or even often) overlap. I'm as close to my Dad as I am to anyone, and I'm proud of the relationship that he and I have. (No real relationship with my stepmother, but that might be because she died in August; she and I weren't close anyway.) My mom and I are also close, though not as close as Dad and I. And my sister... well, there's a reason why I generally refer to her as "my parents' daughter" and not anything closer to me than that.

But I make up for it with a richness and depth of friends. My family of choice extends far and wide, and I'm honored to have each and every one of them in my life. They are the brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins that I never had, and something more as well. I grant them the same loyalty and respect that I would grant any blood of mine.

Computers

I am just about ready to admit that I know absolutely nothing about this subject, but that's not entirely a bad thing; I take it as a sign of my growth in the matter. I've been close to computers from a young age. Mel, my step-mother, had the first computer I ever regularly interacted with (both her desktop and her Atari/Colecovision and Sega Genesis systems). When she and dad married, the computer came with her. It's not hard to imagine that computers were somehow in my destiny. My father was a server admin for the vast majority of my childhood, and Mel was a graphic artist. Appreciation of technology was in the family.

I think my first computer was an old 286 that my father had dug up somewhere when I was about 10 (so '95). Maybe it was something even older than that. I know that it didn't even have a 3.5" floppy drive, just one of the old 5.25" monsters. It ran straight DOS, none of that GUI razzmatazz. But it did have my first programming environment, a BASIC editor. My dad had a couple of books with BASIC programs. I don't remember their names; the first one was yellow, the second one was orange. Drawing on the front of a man with a robot (two robots on the second book). Had a bunch of basic programs to do interesting things; text output, ASCII art, even an ENORMOUS "Star Trek" game that I never got around to entirely putting into the editor. Back in grade school and even a bit into high school, I was the computer guy; people needed something with computers, they came to me. My 11th grade research paper about "an American invention or innovation" was an eight-page essay on the Microsoft XBox, complete with hardware details, component function explanations, and a comparision to the other systems of that console generation (the PlayStation 2 and the Nintendo Gamecube).

College opened my horizons to computers even further. I found *nix, and rediscovered the power of the command line. My second semester I took Computer Science 1 with Curto, and decided that computers would never be the thing for me. (I was young and didn't realize the effect that a God-awful professor could have on a young man's dreams.) It took me a long time to come back, but in the last two or three years my knowledge has grown profoundly, no small thanks to an excellent mentor and many wonderful tutors along the way. I've learned programming languages, seen logic gates, built data structures. I know more about computers now than people three times my age have ever learned.

And yet, the more I've learned, the more I realize how far I have to go. For all that you learn at college, if you've spent your money and time wisely the whole experience becomes a multi-thousand-dollar lesson in humaility. Realizing the depths of your ignorance and the limits of your knowledge is the only way to overcome these faults and truly expand. But it's a bit disheartening at times. The Church-Turing thesis, Diffie-Hellman exchange, OSI model, GUI composition, TCP/IP protocol. I can tell you all about the things that I don't know.

But I also realize how many things I do know. I've learned a lot, and I'm not discounting that. I just realize that I still have a lot left to earn.

Firearms

A more recent addition to my collection of hobbies. Three years ago, I barely knew a revolver from a rifle; now I know the difference between a .30-06 and a .30-30. Getting into firearms had a more profound effect on me than I could have originally imagined.

First, let's not understate what an enjoyable activity firearms tend to be. Turning a simple muscle contraction into a precisely-aimed super-sonic block of metal is more than just fascinating science; it's a hell of a lot of fun, too. I've shared a lot of great experiences at the range, both with people I know and people I've never met. I'll never forget the day cipherpunk and I were out at the range, and a gentleman allowed me the privalege of putting a few rounds through an original issue M1 Carbine. That weapon was history. Not just writing in a book, or portraits in a museum. Actual, functional, still-operational history. And I felt that I somehow became a part of it on that day. I still have a strong interest in early 20th century firearms. The day I had to part with my M1 Garand was a sad day for me. (It had to be done, of course, and I realize that; but that's another story.)

But more than just a fulfilling pursuit, firearms ownership has led me into a great deal of contemplation over our legal rights as Americans. It all happened at about the same time; I got into computers, I bought a gun, I got involved in election security. I'd been passively democratic before, but I'd never given a lot of thought to the matters. I'd never realized the importance of thinking about them, really. But after going through all of these things, I've spent a great deal of time in contemplation over rights and the law. Some people use firearms in lieu of polite discourse. I used them as a springboard to discover whole new issues to contemplate and argue over. I mean, everybody knows that there's guns in the world. Everybody knows that the person next door to you might have one. But when you become the owner of a firearm, it causes you to think more seriously about a lot of the issues (or at least it should), and to take the matter seriously.

Many people think of firearms only as instruments of harm and destruction. This isn't beyond understanding; after all, the gun is an invention of war, designed to do just those things. But I think of them in a broader sense. Guns are a device that allow a human being to do something of which they would otherwise not be capable, specifically the aforementioned super-sonic lead slinging. Because of this, I prefer to think of guns as tools first. A hammer drives nails, an axe cuts wood; a gun accelerates a copper-jacketed projectile at a target. Like any other tool, they have a specific purpose. Like any other tools, you should never work against that purpose or coopt them for activities they were never meant for. And like any other tool, they can be dangerous in the hands of someone who does not properly respect them. Ani DiFranco once sang, "Any tool is a weapon if you hold it right." Hammers can break bones; saws can remove digits. Proper respect is essential to the effective use of any tool, and a gun is no different. Many people are afraid of guns; I merely respect them.

So, there's my list. Anybody interested?

Boredom At Work, and a Challenge to All

2009-02-06T19:46:20Z

Sing with me, and find the key
Bridge the deck accordingly

IBQQR BZXFC FDGOG

Orlando Report, Days 2 and 3

2009-01-10T00:24:20Z

Decided to sleep last night instead of posting. Apologies.

Yesterday:

Didn't sleep very well, was kept up by my cold. Dad and I mostly just hung out. We went to this place called TooJay's for lunch, sandwich joint. Really nice place.

Today:

Ran around trying to find wedding cake toppers for a couple of friends. Struck out on that score. Came back, I made curry, we watched Hudson Hawk. No other real plans.

As may be obvious, we're kinda playing this trip by ear; neither of us has anything we're really dead-set on doing, so we're not going out of our way to do a lot of stuff. Still, there are a few things that we're planning on getting in before we go, mostly in the way of food. Dad and I both enjoy food, and we eat regularly. Apparently there's this really good steakhouse here in the Orlando area called Manny's; we have reservations there next week. We're also planning to hit up a couple of places in Epcot (Germany and Japan specifically) at some point. So I'm sure we'll be able to keep ourselves busy.

Orlando Travels, Day 1

2009-01-08T03:22:20Z

I don't sleep well when I'm sick. I also don't sleep well when I'm excited. Thus, while I went to bed at 1 AM this morning, I didn't actually fall asleep until 4, and my alarm was set for 7. Thankfully, the excitement of the journey has done quite well to keep me awake thus far.
Left Iowa City at ~8 AM, arrived in Rock Island at 9. I didn't strictly need to be there that early, but Mom had mentioned that she would be leaving for work around 9:30, so if I showed up any later than that she wouldn't get to see me. I figured I'd surprise her a bit by showing up. It almost worked; I'd gotten about haflway through Rock Island when she called. But she was still very pleased with the surprise, and made me coffee. I love my Mom.
Arrived at the airport around 11:30 AM. Deb rode in with me. I briefed her on my car and she promised to take good care of it. (She and Mom also told me that they planned to fix the burnt out tail light in return for their using the car while I'm in Florida. I consider this a fair trade). Checkin went almost smoothly. Apparently, AirTran now charges an extra $15 if you feel like checking a bag for your flight. I feel that this was thorough and utter bullshit, a fact that I voiced to another customer but not directly to the attendant (hey, it's not their fault their company is full of assholes). However, perhaps as some form of compensation for taking up 2/3 of my travel budget before I'd gotten through security, they offered me out of the blue a free upgrade to an emergency row window seat, my favorite spot on the plane (it provides a view AND legroom).
Got through security with no hassles. Joked to one of the TSA workers that getting into the terminal was like a game of strip poker, but without any of the fun. She laughed, so I figure it's all good. The plane that was going to be my flight had started its day in Rochester, NY, and had gotten a late start because of bad weather in the northeast. My flight arrived and left an hour late, but not really a big deal. I didn't really have a firm shedule to meet. Takeoff from MLI at ~14:30.
Arrive at MCO ~18:10. Dad was waiting for me at baggage clame. Damn it's good to see him, and a lot warmer welcome than the last time I came down here. I realize that the shell of a man that greeted me from my flight in August was technically my father, but it wasn't Dad. This was much more like him. Got luggage, got into the truck. Hit Cici's for dinner and WalMart to pick up a few essentials, then came back to Dad's place.
Tucker, Dad's dog, was overjoyed to see me. Guess he hasn't been doing too well since Mel died; Dad works nights and sleeps all day, so he tends to be pretty lonely. He's also probably 12 years old now, and it's starting to take its toll. Dad doesn't plan to get another dog after Tucker's gone. The house is a lot cleaner than the last time I was here; maybe I'll get some pictures. Watched the first half of Sin City with Dad before he turned in; we're both pretty tired. That was about 15 minutes ago. I'm gonna go outside and see if Boo the cat is around, then probably hit the sack myself.

And that's the news for today.

Your Taxpayer Dollars At Work

2009-01-05T21:02:42Z

I'm accustomed to seeing the government throw money down some vast and uncloggable theoretical toilet, simply for the amusement of watching it swirl in the bowl as it fades into debt. Sometimes I like to be an optimist and pretend that they're doing this purely out of ignorance, that they don't really mean to be pissing away our money, they just don't know a better ritual for the job.

Then I see articles like this one on Game Politics (which I found via Ars Technica), that move from the somewhat mysteriously misguided into the purely banal and incomprehensible. Seriously? "Thou Shalt Not Advertize An Alcopop In A Video Game." Things like this make me very glad that there's a very wide river (and about 60 miles of farmland) between myself an the state of Illinois.

First off, I agree with other commentators in that I can not once remember seeing an alcopop (I cringe when I type that word out of sheer rebellion at its ridiculousness) advertized in a video game. Beer? Sure. Various other drugs? Of course. Drugs that I've never even heard of? I just finished playing Fallout 3, there is nothing that you could name a drug now that I wouldn't be surprised at. But I can't recall the scene in Half-Life 2 where Gordon Freeman took a break from headcrabs to enjoy a nice cold Zima, or that one time in World of Warcraft where I had this quest to turn in 12 bottles of Boone's Farm.

Which brings up another point. World of Warcraft features beer, and hard liquors, and wines. Hell, one of the first quests for Dwarves is to help them make beer. That game was given an ESRB rating of "T", meaning that kids can play the game (and, I'd imagine some could argue, are one of the primary demographics). Where do we draw the line at who is and isn't a "kid"? And why isn't ALL alcohol illegal, and not just alcopops? Maybe they're going on the theory that kids are only doing it because it tastes good, so if we leave them with the alcohols that don't have added sweeteners they'll be less likely to perform an illegal act.

Right. Because all of those pot-heads I kenw back in high school were just doing it for the flavor.

(On a further note, I've come down with a cold 2 days before I get on a plane to Florida, and am apparently channeling some part of the Wrath of Perry Cox into my LiveJournal posts.)

Who likes filler?

2008-12-15T19:57:56Z

A- Available: Yes.
A - Age: 23
A - Annoyance: Curent cold weather.

B - Bestest Friend(s): Blessed with too many to list.
B - Birthday: 17 August

C - Crush: Really don't have one right now, oddly... o_O
C - Car: '98 Ford Taurus
C - Candy: Heath bars.

D - Day or night: Night

D - Dream Car: Ford Mustang
E- Easiest person to talk to: Dad
E- Eggs: Scrambled

F - Favorite Month: ...really don't have one.
F - Favorite color(s): Black, Dark Blue, Earthy Tones
F - Favorite Memory: Really not sure.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Worms
G - Giver or taker: Giver

H - Hair Color: Dark Blonde / Light Brown
H - Height: 6'1"
H - Happy: More or less.

I - Ice Cream: Mint
I - Instrument: Guitar, piano, harmonica, trumpet, tuba

J - Job: Research assistant
J - Jail: No, thank you.

K - Kids: Someday, I hope.
K - Kickboxing or Karate: Um... ninjutsu? :-P
K - Kindergarten: Don't even remember.

L - Longest Car Ride: Quad Cities to Orlando, FL

M - Milk Flavor: Banana
M - Most missed person: Maternal grandfather.
M - Movie: Most recently, The Dark Knight

N - Number of Siblings: One younger.
N - Number of Tattoos: None
N - Name: ---REDACTED---

O - ONE WiSH: Good job.
O - One Phobia: Bees
O - One regret: She will not be mentioned.

P- Pet Peeves: Lack of internet... >_<
P- Part of your appearance you like best: Eyes

Q- Quick or Slow: In the middle.

R - Reason to smile: Duckies?
R - Reality TV Show: Just watched the finale of Survivor.
R - Reason to cry: Skipping.

S - Song Last Heard: Viva Rock by Orange Range
S – Season: Summer
S - Shoe: New Balance model CMX406Z, size 13 4E, black.

T - Time you woke up: 10:45 AM
T - Time Now: 1:51 PM
T - Time for bed: Whenever I get there.

U - U love someone: How do you mean that?
U - Unpredictable? Or so I'm told.
U - Underwear: Boxer briefs.

V - Vegetable you hate: Celery... >_<
V - Vacation spot: If only I had the time and money.

W- Worst Habits: Smoking
W- Where are you going to travel next?: Orlando, in about a month.
W- Weather right now: Sunny and cold.

X - X-Rays: Why don't they give you superpowers? Comic books LIE.

Y - Year you were born: 1985
Y - Year it is now: 2008
Y - Yellow: Good song by Coldplay.

Z - Zoo Animal: Duckies?

Boy, My Neck Hurts...

2008-12-12T03:20:46Z

Around 12:30 this afternoon, I was heading over to Kum & Go to pick up some lunch. Dan was in the car with me; he'd just come back to pick up some more of his stuff. He's almost totally moved out now. We were sitting at the stoplight at Benton and Mormon Trek. I was about 3 or 4 cars away from the light.

Suddenly there was a large bang, and my entire car jumped forward about a foot. I knew within a couple of seconds that I'd been rear-ended. When I was down in Florida for Mel's funeral, we were all in Grandma's van and somebody didn't stop in time. He only hit us doing about 5 miles an hour, but it was still a good-sized bang; the only real damage was a dent in the rear door of the van. Cambus training kicked in within seconds: shift to park, hazards on, engine off, don't move anything until the cops show up. Dan and I stepped out and surveyed the damage. There was a black Grand Prix behind me, and her license plate was dented up. I had a bit of a scratch on my rear bumper that I didn't think had been there before. No harm no foul, I figured.

Then I noticed the big red Ford pickup behind the Grand Prix. The driver of that one was getting out too, and he looked like... well you know the look someone gets when they know they've screwed the pooch pretty bad? Yeah, that look. The Grand Prix's trunk was now about a foot shorter than it probably should have been in the center. Apparently it was Red Truck's first accident, and he didn't really know what to do. Thankfully, Dan has been involved in almost enough car accidents to know the cops by name. He called the police non-emergency number, and they were there after not too long. I don't think we were there for a full half an hour before it was all wrapped up. Business concluded, I got a copy of the officer's report, and Dan and I decided that we should have lunch at Quizno's instead to celebrate the occasion.

I think the most amusing part of this whole thing was the fact that Dan was pretty sure this was the first car accident he'd been in that wasn't somehow his fault. The headache and neck/shoulder pains I've got are a bit less amusing, but they'll probably be gone in a few days. I'm honestly just relieved to have been in a car accident where I was actually in a car, and not on my bike.

It Never Rains

2008-12-09T08:45:16Z

My dad has Sundays and Mondays off. For the last five and a half years, since I entered college, he and I have made a weekly habit of calling one another. We've always been very close, and we like to stay in good touch with one another. When talking to my dad earlier this evening, I received a piece of information about a member of my family that's gotten me worried, and in more than one way.

My Grandma's sister Jean, who was staying with Grandma for the holidays, collapsed in Grandma's bathroom on Saturday. She was taken to the hospital, and in currently in what was described to me as a light coma. Unbeknown to the rest of the family, Aunt Jean had already had two heart attacks, and some other cardiac procedure as well. This was found on an information card in her wallet. Jean had never told us that this had occurred; even Grandma didn't know, and there are only a very few of this family's secrets that Grandma isn't aware of. I need to call Grandma tomorrow to see how she's doing and if there's any word on Jean.

On an emotional level, this is a big complication. Jean and I have a decent relationship; we're not close, but Jean tends to have relationships on her terms and her terms alone with other members of the family. Most often, she either likes you, or she doesn't, and there's not a lot of changing her opinions on things. So while she and I may not be close, this could be said of her relationships with pretty much everyone in the family. Grandma and I, on the other hand, are quite close, and I know that this can't be doing much good for Grandma's state of mind. This also raises the possibility that I may need to head to Indiana on family business in the near future, which is less than opportune given that finals start on Monday and I'm going to have to bust my ass this week to have a chance of surviving them. It's not a thought that I enjoy, but in my family we put family first. If Grandma needs me there, then that's my priority, and it's gonna be a hard one to override.

But forasmuch as I'm an emotional and considerate fellow, I'm also very calculating and logical. There's a different complication that arises from Jean's current state of health. As many of you know, I am currently about $10,000 short of being able to graduate college next year. I just don't have the money right now to pay for the classes. As it stands right now, I'm not even able to enroll for next semester. Jean was going to be working with me to attempt to cosign for a student loan, assuming I can even still get one this late in, to pay for my tuition. Her current state makes this no longer a viable option. Moreover, even if she were to recover in the near future, I'm not going to be asking her for a damn thing for a good while. Calculating bastard though I may occasionally be, there are some things that you just don't do.

I have one other option that I'm currently aware of that may give me the money that I need for college. It's not an option that I wanted to call on, but circumstances have a way of forcing your hand in matters. Life is made of hard choices, and I'm going to have to bite the bullet and make this one.

I ask everyone reading this blog and this post to please keep my family, especially my aunt Jean, in their thoughts and hearts. While I know that many of my friends aren't the Christian religious type, I know some of you are, and I hope it's not too much of an imposition to ask you to lend her a spot in your prayers; every little bit helps in these sorts of situations. I'll be sure to post more here as events warrant.

Status Update

2008-12-05T22:02:53Z

A brief list of the goings on in the life of me.

- Submitted my resume to M****** today. Hoping things go well with that; it would solve a lot of problems and answer a lot of prayers.

- Dan is moving out either tomorrow or Saturday, since Annie has gotten a job back in CR. I'm still trying to track down a new roomie, which will prove necessary if I don't get the M****** job.

- Accordingly, the cable has been cancelled. It's still on for now; apparently, termination orders take about a week to process. So sometime next week my home will lose cable and internet. I should still be able to connect via a local unsecured wireless network, but I can't guarantee stable internet anymore.

- Finals start a week from Monday. That's all I have to say about that.

I am coming more and more to understand why the ancient Chinese saying "May you live in interesting times" is regarded very heavily as a curse.

Evolution of a Meme

2008-11-30T04:49:44Z

Sometime a couple of years ago, when I was first starting to troll in the deeper, darker parts of the internet (the parts that tend to end in -chan), I stumbled onto a simple but effective and annoying meme. This meme was known as "duckrolling". A link that was supposed to be to something relevant to the ongoing discussion was instead replaced with a link to a picture of a duck with wheels on it. It was harmless fun, a basic snub to whatever was actually going on.

In time, duckrolling morphed into a slightly different meme, as memes are occasionally wont to do. The duck on wheels was instead replaced by Rick Astley, whose surprisingly deep baritone voice for such a small white man made the video all the more shocking. In such a way was "Rickrolling" born, and for a brief time this was combined to its original habitats.

But something happened. Rickrolling picked up steam. It rolled off the -chans and into the mainstream. It climed up out of the cesspools of the internet and into the public eye. And now guess what? It's gotten as big as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

Watching a meme evolve from underground joke to public staple. This is the sort of thing that makes me feel old...

Fun With Memes

2008-11-16T22:56:51Z

Ganked from danthewaffable.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

"My name is Harry Dresden, I was wondering if I could talk to you."
"Harry who?" she asked.
"Dresden. I'm a private investigator."
She laughed, and the sound was rich enough to roll around naked in.

Okay, so maybe I shifted to the next paragraph boundry, and added an extra sentence (but do one-word sentences really count?). From Storm Front by Jim Butcher.

Worthy of Contemplation

2008-11-05T04:50:17Z

I noticed something interesting at the end of John McCain's concession speech. They music they used to play him off was the theme from the film "Crimson Tide." Does anyone else think that this was more than casual coincidence?

Requisite Sharing Of Joy

2008-10-21T00:46:27Z

Today has been an awesome day, for two primary reasons thus far. Good enough that I feel it's necessary to share this with the world.

(1) As most of you know, right now at my job we're trying to set up our own voting system. We have the hardware (a new HP touchscreen laptop), we have the software (Pvote, written by Ka-Ping Ye for his dissertation at UC Berkley). What we haven't had yet is our own ballot. The software that came default with Pvote could do some minor ballot editing, but not really any authoring. Ping sent us a copy of his original authoring software, but he warned us in advance that it was something of a slap-dash job; the authoring software wasn't part of his disseration, and he hadn't really bothered to clean it up.

But finally today, after spending the better part of the weekend just pouring myself into this software, I've finally managed to get the authoring suite up and running. It's not a finished deal yet; I still need to learn how to tweak some of the finer issues before we can put a fork in it. But this is a HUGE development. Thanks to this, if we really work at it, we may even have pretty much everything ready to go by this weekend.

(2) I got my midterm back for my Computer Organization class today. For those of you that I haven't told about this, this is a class that has thus far focused primarily on writing code in assembler language. Those of you who know what that is know to be afraid; those of you who don't know what assembler is are probably better off for it. Anyway, the midterm was about a week and a half ago, and I'd felt pretty confident in my performance. However, this particular professor is pretty well known for tough tests. Today we finally got the results.

Total Points Possible: 10
Class Average: 6.5
Highest score: 8.8
My score: 8.8

I have ROCKED today, and now I think I'm gonna go play some Rock Band to celebrate.

Odd Medical Instances

2008-09-19T03:59:14Z

Those of you who have read at least the first book of the Dresden Files will understand what I mean when I say I "pulled a Dresden" at the plasma donation center today.

Figured I would put that warning on here in case anyone was squeamish. I personally don't find the details disturbing, but some of my friends might.

My finances have been tighter than I'd like lately, and a new plasma donation place has opened up in Iowa City in the last couple of months. So I figured what the hell, I'll get back into the swing of things. BioTest (the donation center) offers $30 your first go in a week and $40 the second; that's $20 more than BioLife did a couple years ago, and I'm not going to turn it down. Needles have never bothered me as much since my surgery, so I scheduled a first donation.

Showed up about ten minutes early for my 4:00 appointment. Realized I'd forgotten my proof of address and proof of SSN, drove to the main library to print them out, got back about 4:15. Got in, got screened, basic physical, urine test, blood test, etc. Nothing really harrowing.

For those of you who have never donated plasma, the machine that they use to collect donations is really quite fascinating. The tubing is entirely self-contained and hooked up to the face of the machine; pumps work on the outside of the tubing to move the blood through, meaning that no blood ever leaves the system, and that there's no risk of contamination. After the blood exits your arm, its first stop is a small centrifuge. This spins the plasma out of the blood; the plasma is diverted into a large containment vessel for your donation, while the red and white cells are held on to for later reinsertion into your system. (This is why you can donate plasma more often than blood; the body takes months to replace red cells, but only a day or so to fully replenish lost plasma). After it is separated from the rest of your blood contents, plasma greatly resembles... well, to be frank, it looks like piss. Mostly clear, mild yellow-orange tint to it. I'm familiar with this, having donated before.

So when I saw that the plasma exiting the centrifuge was as red as the blood that was being pumped in, I became mildly concerned.

Before I had the chance to flag down one of the attendants, a hemoglobin detector on the line out from the centrifuge detected a problem with the plasma and shut down the machine, letting off an alarm. This was literally just after the donation had started; if they'd gotten a quarter of a cup of blood out of me at this point I'd be surprised, certainly not more than half a cup. One of the nurses (or whatever the donation specialists are called) came over an examined the machine; they politely informed me that there had been a problem, and that they would need to disconnect me from the machine without returning my red cells. I was required to wait around for fifteen minutes after they disconnected me as per center policy, then I was allowed to leave.

While rare, occasionally there are problems with the collection apparatus. In this case, we believe there was a problem with the centrifuge; instead of filtering the red cells out intact and whole, the cells were being lysed, shredding the cells and letting hemoglobin out into the raw plasma. Not only did this mean that they couldn't take my plasma donation, they also couldn't reverse the pump as is usually done and return my red cells to me; while my kidneys would probably have caught the excess hemoglobin without any trouble, it was better safe than sorry, and I didn't like the thought of peeing red.

The good news? Even though they collected no plasma, it still counted as a donation. I walked out $30 richer than I walked in.

Updates From The Road

2008-08-05T21:20:58Z

Thought I'd take a moment out of my downtime and post how things have been going. I'll stick this inside an LJ cut in case it runs long; don't want to spam anybody's friends lists.

I managed to book a flight out of Moline yesterday afternoon. I literally had enough time to shower, pack a quick bag and head out the door before I had to be at the airport; apparently AirTran likes passengers to arrive a full two hours before their flight leaves, not that I can blame them. At the airport, they informed me that the flight had been overbooked and that they might need volunteers to stay behind. They informed me that if I stuck around, they would provide a hotel room and a free round-trip ticket. After consulting with the family, I decided to volunteer; the draw of a free ticket home was hard to pass up. Thankfully though there was a seat for me on the flight; I made it out of Moline without hassle (at least as far as I knew).

The flight to Orlando had a transfer at Jackson International Airport in Atlanta. Not a bad airport, except as you could get lost in it for a month if you're not careful. Upon landing and turning my phone back on, I found that I had a couple of messages. Apparently there had been a miscommunication in Moline with regards to my luggage. Because I had volunteered to stay behind they had pulled my stowaway bag off the plane. I got a seat at the last minute; my bag did not. When I got into Orlando, we had to stick around for about an hour before my bag caught up to me. They put it on a Delta flight of all things, but it got here and I have clothes, so no harm no foul.

At the airport, Dad was waiting along with Ron and Charlene (Mel's parents). I got to the house around 2 a.m. local time, stayed up until 4 or so. We got up this morning at 9 and were out the door by 10, heading to make the funeral arrangements. I've never been the part of planning a funeral before; the closest relative I've had die this far would either be my uncle or my grandfather, and in either case I didn't have a part in the planning. Until we were in the funeral director's office setting up the options and itenerary, I had been able to sit in a state of disbelief; I wasn't really in Orlando, mom wasn't really dead, and I was going to be having a date with this cute girl I met later on this week. Everything was fine.

Reality caught up with me at the funeral home. I'd cried a little before then, mostly when seeing Dad and how distraught he was. I've never seen him this bad before; mom literally died in his arms. He spent the time until the paramedics arrived performing CPR. He showed me the shirt that they'd cut off of her when they arrived. I'd been staying pretty strong that far, but I broke down. Stepped out of the office, found a bathroom, and broke down for about five minutes. It was so odd, Imanaged to maintain a stream of rational consciousness even as I was bawling my eyes out; I guess I just kenwt hat the pressure had finall built up too much, and I had to let off some steam. I'm feeling beter now. There have been a few more bouts of tears, as there no doubt will continue to be for a while yet. But I'm still here, still hanging in there. Need to be strong for Dad at least until Grandma arrives; when she gets here tomorrow evening, then I can afford to really take a break and let stuff out. Until then I want to try and be as strong for Dad as possible.

We got the autopsy report today. Because mom was only 44, they performed an autopsy to figure out the cause of death. Turns out it was a combination of hypertension and a heart condition that nobody had caught; she had a heart attack. I don't think there was anything anyone could have done.

Melodie Marie Slayton (nee Heeren) was born 16 January 1964 and died in her home at around 8 a.m. on 4 August 2008. She is survived by her husband Jeff Slayton, her parents Ron and Charlene Heeren, and her children, Mark and Andrea Slayton. We've arranged the visitation for 7-9 on Friday night, with the funeral at 11 a.m. on Saturday. As per her wishes, she's going to be creamated. If anyone has any questions or wishes to offer prayers or condolences, please let me now.

Out Of Town

2008-08-04T20:56:37Z

A quick note, just so everybody knows. I'm currently sitting at gate B10 of MLI (Quad Cities International Airport), getting ready to board a plane to Orlando. Early this morning, my stepmother died. I'm doing okay so far; the reality of things tends not to sink in for me for a little while, so I'm currently stable. Dad's not doing so good though, and I'm really worried about him. Anyway, I'm going to be out of town for a while. With any luck I'll be back for my birthday, in which case there will definitely be something going on. I feel I'll be needing a celebration of life after all of this.

In Conclusion

2008-07-28T11:15:03Z

I know I haven't been doing a lot of posting lately, but I figured that this was an event worth marking. In about an hour, I'm going to start moving out of my current apartment, the place I've lived for three years. This is as long as I've lived anywhere since I was about 8. Most of my stuff is boxed up; we're going to be getting the big pieces of furniture in the U-Haul this morning, and I'll probably be carting boxes in my car later on into the day.

It's weird to think that I'll be sleeping in a different place starting tonight. For as much as I've moved in my life, I'm somehow unaccustomed to it. Guess I just got comfortable where I am; I don't really want to go, but I don't really have a choice.

Oh well. I'm probably just feeling weird because there hasn't been coffee yet.

Falling like rain

2008-06-21T07:42:35Z

It's not everyday that mass media brings me to tears, but when it does i tend to think that they've done something right. I strongly recommend to everybody two of the most recent episodes of Doctor Who, "Slience in the Library" and "Forest of the Dead". They're a two-part episode, and they're very good.

Fair Warning

2008-06-18T03:42:29Z

A quick note to all of my friends: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, INSTALL WINDOWS XP SERVICE PACK 3.

In other news, due to my own foolish decision to make the aforementioned mistake, I had to reinstall Windows XP today. It's not so terrible; most of my valuable data was stored on other drives, so things are generally under control. But it's a huge headache, and I don't recommend anyone else put themselves through it.

Atmospheric friction, or a soul falling back from the afterworld?

2008-06-15T07:04:31Z

Just before 2:00 a.m. local time, I saw a shooting star in the skies north of Iowa City, just between the Big Dipper and the North Star.

Everybody, make a wish!

Best Served Moist

2008-06-13T16:44:06Z

I figure more than a few of you are curious as to just how the flood is progressing here in town. The news in short? The flood is doing quite well; the towns under the flood, not so much. But you've all probably heard that much from CNN; let me get into a little more detail for those of you who know your way around.

There are five bridges that cross the Iowa River in Iowa City, not counting the interstate. From north to south, they are: Park Road bridge, Iowa/Newton bridge, Burlington bridge, Benton bridge, and the Hwy. 6 bridge. Last week Park Road got shut down, and the bridge with it. For those of you who were in Cambus, you can only imagine the headaches that this causes for Red and Blue Routes. I've had to do that reroute once when a trainee nearly took a bus off the Park Road bridge and into the river. It's a huge headache, but they're making it work. Iowa/Newton bridge is, last I checked, at least half closed. Water started coming up through the storm drains under the railroad overpass. It's probably totally shut down now. Benton bridge has apparently just gone down, according to a report from ladyamber. That's going to make getting home a lot of fun, to say the least.

This leaves us with two working bridges; Burlington and Highway 6. I don't know how long they're going to hold out though. As of 2 a.m. today, the Iowa River at Iowa City was at 28.7 feet and rising, expected to crest at 33 feet on Wednesday. That's four more feet of water, and while four feet up may not be a grand distance, the breadth that the river is going to gain is going to be impressive. Parts of Riverside between Burlington and Benton have been closed, and I'm not even really sure what's happening down by the IMU. I'm going to try and get some pictures later today; I'll have them posted as soon as I have them.

On a more personal note, Cambus will be evacuating the Barn at around 5 this evening, according to the dispatcher I talked to last night. I'm strongly considering heading past there and seeing if they need an extra set of hands. Working there for as long as I did, i still feel a strong attachment to the people who work there, and I don't want them to be wanting for help right now.

For more information on the flood (including better coverage of Cedar Rapids, where I rarely if ever am), you'd do well to read cipherpunk's blog; he's staying pretty well on top of things.

Survey says...

2008-06-03T21:58:12Z

As promised to phoenixalpha

Leave a comment and I will:
a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
g) In return, you must post this in your LJ

Kick to the Head

2008-05-13T13:38:17Z

Got maybe two hours of sleep last night, which has had a bit of a damper on yesterday's exuberance. I'm not really looking forward to the OO final. Discrete is procedural, it's learning systems and integrating them with one another. The OO final is going to be a whole lot of spitting back out information by wrote, and that's not my strong point. Especially when I'm doing well just to stay upright.

UPDATE (10:40 A.M.): Just got out of the final. I think I did okay, and that's about the best I can say for it. There's at least one question that I knew I got the wrong answer for, but at least I put down an answer for everything. Again, regurgitating data isn't one of my strengths. But I think I did okay. I'm cautiously hopeful.

Maybe, Just Maybe.

2008-05-13T02:25:15Z

I heard back from my Discrete professor today. Or rather, he and I had a meeting at just before noon. I'd handed in my stack of homework on Friday; he'd had to flee campus early for a double root canal (my heart goes out to him, especially after hearing some of Army Dan's horror stories), and said he's look over them on the weekend.

When I showed up for the meeting, he started by asking me how long it'd taken me to do the thirty-or-so problem sets that I'd handed in. I told him that I'd spent roughly an hour on each. He asked if that included the time I spent reading the chapters attached to each problem set; I said yes it did. My professor and I don't like the textbook much, and I told him that I'd skimmed the chapters for relevant definitions and formulas before launching into the problem sets. I was worried that he was going to get upset with me for not going more thoroughly into the chapters, or that I'd managed to miss a lot of important details (I didn't think that I had, but these are the sort of worries that go through my mind) and that my homework reflected this. He instead complemented me on how good the homework had looked, and we moved on to a short oral quiz so he could assess whether or not I really had a grasp of what was going on.

One of the big things that I traditionally have problems with (as my time in Japanese has taught me) is remembering the formal names of things. I have a decent conceptual idea of what a depth-first graph traversal is, but I don't always remember that it's called a depth-first graph traversal, it's just this algorithmic method floating around in my head. The oral quiz my professor gave me was split up into two sections arbitrarily; he had a meeting at noon with the TAs for the Discrete class to decide on grades, so we met back up at about 2:45 and continued. When we were done, he was convinced that I knew what I was talking about, and that I had a good grasp on what we were doing in class.

Then he told me he had a conundrum. He told me that he really wasn't sure of what grade to give me. On the one hand, he was impressed as hell with what I'd accomplished and my grasp of the materials. On the other hand, he wanted to be fair to the other students in the class who'd actually been in attendance the entire time and "sat through my forty-or-so boring lectures" (his quote) to earn a proper grade. He asked for my input on this. I'd thought about the matter, and told him what I'd concluded. I said that all I was going to ask for was a C. I figured that any credit I'd won for the work I'd accomplished was outweighed by the fact that I didn't get it done on time in the first place, and C was the grade I needed to continue on with the major without any difficulties. He looked kinda shocked when I said that; he said he was thinking that a C should be the lower bound of what he was considering to give me as a grade, and he apparently had expected me to ask for more.

When we met back up at 2:46, he told me that he and the TAs had discussed the matter, and they'd decided to give me a B-. I was floored; that's well and away more than I was expecting. He then went on to tell me that he didn't honestly think I was going to be able to get the homework done. He said what I'd manage to accomplish in 2 weeks was the second most amazing thing in his time as a professor (he also told me what the first was, and I don't think I hold a candle to it).

A month ago, I was ready to try and drop this semester again. The last thing I expected was to walk out of this semester with the respect and well-wishes of one of my professors, but that's exactly what I got. He think that I'm a superbly capable person, and has no doubt that I'm going to succeed. It's things like that that make my day and give me hope. I've been walking ten feet off the ground this afternoon (when I haven't been studying or napping), and it feels great.

...unfortunately, in all of that excitement, I forgot to pay the water bill that was due today. So I need to run in early tomorrow and try to get it taken care of. With any luck I'll still be able to get a shower before my final. ^_^;;